So yeah

My buddy Peck stopped writing his blog. He was actually devoted to his blog in some fashion. However I am not even slightly devoted to this task.

If something interesting happens and I feel like writing about it lucky you. If not things will continue as usual around here with me not posting anything, and you not reading it.

Consider this project on vacation until probably forever.

Random Thoughts

I got fuckall.

I went to the gym today, and that was fun. I think I might actually be able to stick with it, and guess what really motivated me. I weighed myself.

I weigh 148 lbs. That's sick. I mean I'm skinny, but not retardedly skinny. So yeah my goal weight it 200lbs.

If I can pack on 50 lbs of muscle I am going to be a monster.


Yeah that's it.

Dear Landers

It's late. Blow me.

Q: I have been with my man, on and off, for two plus years. We have been through a lot together. He has forgiven me for cheating on him numerous times. I don't deserve it, I know! We've tried breaking it off, but I always come back. I want to marry this man. He is my rock. I have little willpower, and often feel sparks with other men! Please help me strengthen our relationship.

A: I really don't know where to start lady. How about here. You're a fucking whore. Your man? He's either a stupid doormat who should be taken around back and shot in the back of the head, or he's been fucking your sister for two plus years. Guess what I think. He's been fucking your sister AND your best friend. The only reason he keeps taking you back after you cheat on him is because you feel guilty enough to let him fuck you up the ass. I say go ahead and get married. You two are so fucked up you obviously deserve each other. It should also serve to keep you two retards off the streets and out of relationships with normal people. My main suggestion is you should both get fixed. Since you've probably seen more pricks that a second hand dart board, and your man is either too stupid to live or equally as generous with his love it's probably best if neither of you reproduce. Really though your best option would be a murder suicide. The world needs less people like you.

Okay we need some direction here

I have decided on a weekly updating schedule for my blog.

Monday - Random Thoughts. I'm just gonna post something. I dunno what it's gonna be, but I'll make it up as I go along. This will be a post for the sake of doing something other than playing WoW.

Wednesday - My week in review. That's right I get Tuesday and Wednesday off, so since this is when my week ends this is when I'm going to review it.

Friday - Dear Landers. This is where I am going to take a write in question to a advice column and answer it. Much funny to be had here folks.

So that's in really. I figure 3 scheduled updates a week, and maybe more if I decide to be extra special.

As well I got a membership to a gym, and took a workout from a magazine. Hopefully these two things combined will transform me from the body of a Grade 8 female to something resembling a man. Now if I could just get the operation to remove this pesky vagina I'd be set.

I will be posting pictures to update you with my progress. Behold the before pictures.









I mean it could be worse. I'm not grossly obese or anything like that, but the complete opposite of obese still ain't sexy. Don't look too long. It's kinda like staring at the sun. Anyway I will post pics every so often so you can keep yourself appraised of my progress. I don't know who you are, you being my readers, but I'm sure you're out there somewhere.

So yeah that's my project now. Work out like a motherfucker. I'll still stick to my routine of WoW and THC, but I'm gonna tone that back a bit.

So sue me

Yeah I promised regular updates

Yeah I didn't update at all after that

What are you going to do about it?

I just don't have anything to update about regularly. This blog was kinda started with a rant theme, but I just can't carry that kinda hate on a day to day basis. Well I do carry it, but it's usually personal hate. I don't like putting that stuff online cause if the targeted person reads it well you get the idea. Sure I got a general rage going too, but it really is hard to harness that rage into writing sometimes.

I dunno maybe I need some form of schedule. I think Maybe a Monday, Wednesday, Friday Kinda thing.

I'll figure something out cause I really should update this just for something to do.

I am a lazy bastard

No really it's true. I can't deny the fact that I am obscenely lazy. Slothful one might say. I could certainly see my degree of slothfulness ensuring me a VIP pass to hell after I die should that be your belief. I don't know if it's mine, but I do know that I am lazy on a biblical scale.

(Really the spellcheck had no fucking problem with slothfulness, but the myriad of legitimate words that I have seen rejected with that red, squiggly mark of error. Fuck me squiggly made it through unmarked too. Stupid spell check denies my ou's but allows squiggly. You can tell an American coded this. I gave the contents of these parenthesis their own paragraph cause it got a bit outta control midway through the second sentence when it became longer that the whole post preceding it.)

Anyway back to my reason for posting. It really wasn't so I could tell you how lazy I am since I'm still certain this blog is read only by people who know me personally, and you should already have a pretty good clue. Actually this post was brought to you from a variety of sources.

I have been feeling a slight niggling sensation (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/niggling) whenever I read my friend's blog because he was doing so well for posting on a regular basis at which point my regular posting stopped. This also happened to be around the time I started playing Worlds of Warcraft again. I know I have a problem, but it's okay. I can live with my addiction. Additionally one of my coworkers mentioned tonight that he read my blog which at first scared the fuck out of me because I did not recall giving him the URL, and I don't remember having any blackouts. I don't suppose I would remember having blackouts. Aren't blackouts absence of memory? Can you remember not remembering something? But since no police have shown up at my door questioning me about missing children I feel it's safe to assume I haven't been having any more blackouts, and I won't have to move again. Which is good. I like it here. I live across from a park. The children play in the park..... What too far? Yeah probably, but what can you do? Anyway creepy non sequitur aside I remembered that I had posted the link to this blog on my Facebook profile. This means that people might actually read this thing after all.

I'll be honest when you're writing a blog, and you're pretty sure the only two people who read it live in the same house, and you call them on a pretty regular basis well that kinda defeats the purpose of writing a blog right? Since I do actually enjoy writing for the sake of it sometimes (read while high) I shall again make a real effort to continue updating my blog. I'm sure it won't take long to disgust, and scare away what limited readership I do have. What can I say? I find horrible and offensive things funny. Is that so bad really?

So yeah Plan B is to update this blog on a regular basis. I can't tell you what Plan A is because I'd hate for my blog to be used as evidence to prosecute me later. I can tell you it has nothing to do with that park across the street from my apartment, and those sweet sweet.... I mean fuck, this interview is over.

Clarification

Since I notice that my list of broad statements was really intentionally offensive I should probably clarify that those statements don't actually reflect my personal views on some topics. Let me specify these statements

1) >Some misguided people carry the belief< The Holocaust never happened

2) >In the southern states during slavery people thought< Blacks aren't the same as real people

3) Adam Sandler movies are funny

4) So are Pauly Shore movies

5) No, Pauly Shore really aren't funny at all even I can't back that one up

6) Homeless people should be shot, and >used to feed starving people in Africa<

7) This sentence ends in a period where the others didn't.

8) Lists are fun

9) >A whole lot of< Chinese people have horrible teeth


There we go. It's okay to be horrible, and offensive. Just as long as you don't believe the horrible and offensive things you say. Well it's still not okay, but it's a lot easier to live with yourself afterwards. I don't know if holocaust jokes are ever really kosher (ouch I'm on fire.. cause I'm going to hell) but sometimes instead of subtle tongue in cheek humour I prefer the smash you in the face with a hammer method.

Q) What's the difference between a Black man and a pizza?
A) The pizza can feed a family of 5

Q) What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A) Pizza doesn't scream in the oven

Those are the two most horrible, and offensive jokes I know. I have said and done some truly horrible, and offensive things in my life, but I think these two jokes are by far worse than anything I can ever hope to achieve. I don't even know if I can have them on my blog. Should I put the adult content page back up to prevent minors or sensitive people from reading that trash?

Nope, I can just hope to one day exceed those prior two examples in levels of sheer inappropriateness around here.


I think I can.