Hurry the fuck up or die

Okay, so I get to work on a Saturday night. I haven't even walked in the front door, and already I'm about ready to murder somebody. We have a 6 deck parking garage at our casino. The staff have levels 5 and 6 for our exclusive parking. Well hey now you must be thinking. Exclusive indoor parking for staff. That's a pretty sweet deal. Well unfortunately the casino industry manages to turn even the most beautiful thing into shit. Now I understand out here in BC many people drive trucks. Raised trucks even *coughredneckscough* However I think my casino ordered the mountain brand of speedbump. Granted you can see the rocky mountains from the parking garage, so maybe some asshole thought they'd give my shocks a front row seat to the scenery. They have a lot of these speedbumps throughout the parking garage. Usually after my shift or on a monday night I can just drive around many of them, but on a weekend coming to work that is not a possibility. So we have obnoxious speedbumps. That's hardly enough to warrant murder right? Well that would be correct however this brings me to my next issue.

Lets say you and 5 of your friends decide to go to the casino for the night. You exit your giant redneck truck, and when walking the length of the parking garage you decide to line up 6 wide and walk along the driving lane all the way to the door. I come up and around one of the ramps, and what do I encounter? The retard parade. Two thoughts ran through my head at this point. Thought 1) If I floor in, and use my handbrake I can probably take out at least 4 of them. This should result in serious if not fatal injury to at least 2 of them. However this option I risk hitting a parked car and damaging my car beyond what I can clean off with a carwash.
Thought 2) If I exit my car, and use my keys, and ipod as weapons I can probably kill at least 3 of them before the other 3 either beat me down, or run. I'm gonna bet the pussies run. This option ensures my car remains safe, but I will have to wash blood, and brain matter off my keys, and I don't have enough time to run home, and change into a clean uniform.
Thought 3) How closely is surveillance really watching those cameras? What are my chances of butchering some of our players, and still making it to work on time?

I decide that murder is not my best option at this point (I always hate coming to this conclusion. Just once I'd like murder cold or warm blooded to be the best option available)

Instead I opt to drive up really close behind them, and gun my engine. I get an angry look behind, and 4 of them decide to shift slightly to the side leaving a few more people in my path. I half swerve my car attempting to run the gap before I decide to just stop my car and admit defeat. Of course one of the slow group walkers was just finishing up at the ATM machine in the lobby when I exited the elevator. Lucky for me I was able to dodge past her slow fat ass and get through the doors first. If I had been caught behind her at this point there is a good chance I would be in jail right now. I would just hope that somebody with a cellphone camera caught my godless butchery so I could at least view it on the internet.

Anyway the moral of the story is why the fuck do people walk slow in large groups. This only pisses me off slightly less than people who stand in throughfares and decide that is the best location for a conversation. I almost ran some bitch down in Wal Mart for doing this. That resulted in a rather heated argument in the middle of Wal Mart where there is a good chance the words "Fuck you, you stupid bitch. Shut the fuck up. There is no almost ran you over. If I was going to run you over you would be run the fuck over. Now shut the fuck up, and pick a better location for your next conversation" came out of my mouth. In a Wal Mart. With people and children watching. This was even more shocking for my friend who missed the near shopping cart rundown, and only caught me verbally bitchslapping some welfare whitetrash hoe in a Longbeach Wal Mart. I can't understand why some people say I have no decency.

And people wonder why the RCMP tazer people to death. If I had a tazer there would be a lot of dead bodies in my wake too.