I've got nothing better to do

So I was supposed to go out for some drinks with one of the boxmen after he finished work today. I overslept. Now this guy has bailed on me the last two or maybe three weeks in a row, , so I wasn't frantic about making him wait for me. However I was a bit upset that I had slept through my alarm, so after texting him to say I was running late I get ready to go. I send another text when I was almost at the casino because I took a while to get ready, and at this point I was almost 40 min late. While driving down the road to the casino I see him walking along the side of the road. "That's strange" I think to myself. Instead of responding to my text messages like a normal human being my friend decided to start walking towards my apartment. I guess he wanted to save me the additional gas to continue on towards the casino, but I needed to go there anyway to collect my tips. I stop, and let him into my car. He then explains that he called his wife to come get him because his phone battery died, and he didn't have my number. Granted there could've been at least one person in the breakroom who would've had a battery he could use on his phone to make a call to me, or someone who would have my number. Unfortunately for me this friend is not the fastest cat out there. That's right I just referred to somebody as a cat. I think that slang should so be brought the fuck back. I know the word fuck was unnecessary there, but I didn't think I'd used it yet, and I need to keep up my swearing quotient. Shit, damn, balls, ass. Okay I'm good now.

Arbitrary new paragraph time. Anyway, so I discover that my tool friend has called his wife to come get him because he thinks I've ditched him or something. I take him to the Tim Hortons and drop him off to wait while I go get my tips, and return for him. I get back, and hang out while he waits for his wife while praying she is alone and wants to join us for drinks, so he doesn't get in too much trouble. She brings her child. He is fucked. He tells me to wait for me at home while he drives back with his wife, and comes back out. Now I'm sitting here in my living room waiting for him to call. It's getting close to the 2hr mark. I bought one of those 5 hour energy drinks because I wanted to wake up. Now I'm sitting here jacked up on whatever the fuck is in that small bottle that certainly did NOT taste like lemon and/or lime. With nothing to do. For 2.95 this 5 hour energy drink is a pretty powerful narcotic. It's significantly cheaper than cocaine, and I can still feel my face. However I'm lacking that twitchy cold sweat, and feeling that I am in fact King of the World, and I probably won't have any problems sleeping tonight. As well 20 min later I did not feel like drinking another bottle of that whatever it was. It tasted like an unholy citrus union between dish soap, and the sweat that collects in a fat man's genitals.

My question is what the fuck am I supposed to do with the 4 hours of energy I have remaining? If I am left in front of this posting box for the next 240 minutes I can't be held responsible for the length and content of this post. I'm sitting here all dressed up, and really the only things I know how to get to are the local casinos. I also have 230 dollars in my pocket. I can't afford to gamble away 230 dollars however I'm high on niacin, (I went and read the bottle for the active ingredient) or will be for about 4 more hours, and I'm bored.

I really can't post for 4 hours. I'm not feeling upset or cynical enough to be funny right now. If this motherfucker doesn't answer his phone right now I might be though. Gah fuck. It's been almost 2 hours. Unless his wife is sucking his dick, or beating the shit out of him I'm going to be pretty pissed off. Actually she better be beating the shit out of him. If she's been blowing him for the past hour I can't really be too upset, but seriously now. There is no reason for a blowjob lasting for any longer than a few minutes. Either it's a prelude to sex, a transitional move during sex or a "we don't have time for sex lets do it in that truck stop bathroom blowjob" Really though if you have time to get out at the truck stop you have time to fuck in the bathroom. Save the blowjob for the car. Hell if it's dark out and you think you can manage it try to fuck in the car while you drive. The best part is you won't be able to see the speedo, and when you finally bust a nut you should be doing at least 180km/hr cause you know your foot has nowhere else to go but down.

Sonofabitch at which point should I consider myself stood up, and find something else to do. I can't sit here and play video games. While I'm grateful to be high on niacin, and not cocaine at this point I still need to get out of my apartment. This post has already become way too long, and I'm really not pleased with the levels of funny. I haven't marketed this blog as a humourous one, so it's not like I have some minimum requirement for comedy however I would like to consider myself pretty goddamn comedic. I've found I can't force it though because you can pick up on forced humour. For some examples of this please look in my approved links section. That was a low blow eh Peck? Attacking your site on my blog is starting to become a trend I approve of. You'll also notice how I didn't use your little self devised moniker. It's my way of lashing out because you won't let me use Peck on your message board that I think only we use. I don't understand why you won't let me use one stupid nickname in favour of another stupid nickname that you gave yourself, but I respect your wishes in your home. This is my house though, and while it may smell like a charnel I can still make the rules.

Okay I can see blogger giving me the red spell check line where I use the real spelling for words containing the ou combo. However charnel is a real word and I still receive the red line. For this blogger you can go fuck yourself. I trusted in you to correct my spelling as I went along, but now this trust has been broken. I don't know if our relationship will ever be the same.

But back to my attack on my good friend's website. I still love you guy, but well you know how much I enjoy emotionally abusing you. Incidentally that critique about your forced humour came to me at this moment, so I threw it in. I understand though. You made a humour site without realizing that sometimes you're as funny as wet newspaper. You should call your brother and consult with him on days you aren't feeling funny. Your track record is spotty at best, but I've never seen him miss. I'd like to tell you that this friendly abuse I'm directing your way is going to bring you more readers, but that'd be a horrible lie. I'm just being a jerk.

-edit to add-

I'm sorry guy that end part came off a bit harsh. You are still a pretty funny guy, and your writings have made me smile, and even laugh out loud on occasion. However I know when you're forcing it just like I know you didn't really come last time. It's okay though it made me feel special knowing you cared enough about my feelings to fake it. You know your blog's readership is low when you're making an edit directed at 25% of your readers, and it's only one person.

-edit again to add-

Well it's 12:15am and I'm pretty sure I've been stood up. I'm not too pissed off since it cost me 60 dollars to fill up my gas tank, and buy this 5 hour crack drink. The crack drink seems to be wearing off since I'm sleepy again, but that might also be the THC. I guess I save money not going out after all, and I manged to bust out two reasonably decent posts. Probably 3 since I figure this edit will turn into some rambling nightmare of a post. I went for the edit since if I start a third post it's just going to confuse things since that will be the first post you read when you visit my blog. I can't say I'm really happy with the limits of my Blogger layout, but since it's free, and I have no interest in teaching myself how to make a website I'm gonna have to go with what I can get. I'm upset the cuss-o-meter didn't work on my blog cause I'm pretty sure I was going for a pretty high score, but I'm too lazy to work out the math myself.

Well I took off my suit, and put on my not leaving the apartment clothes, so even if my buddy calls to go out at this point he can blow me. The 5 hour energy drink advertised no crash however I am certainly feeling a crash. Again that might just be the THC, but at least I'm not in the mood to go to the casino anymore. I also can't figure out now why I didn't think to open my online poker 3 hours ago. I'm down 3 hours of potential losses now. I'm going to have to play like a real asshole to make up those losses. Anyway I've found something better to do, so that's enough random posting for tonight.

You can thank Niacin for these last two posts.