Dear Landers

It's late. Blow me.

Q: I have been with my man, on and off, for two plus years. We have been through a lot together. He has forgiven me for cheating on him numerous times. I don't deserve it, I know! We've tried breaking it off, but I always come back. I want to marry this man. He is my rock. I have little willpower, and often feel sparks with other men! Please help me strengthen our relationship.

A: I really don't know where to start lady. How about here. You're a fucking whore. Your man? He's either a stupid doormat who should be taken around back and shot in the back of the head, or he's been fucking your sister for two plus years. Guess what I think. He's been fucking your sister AND your best friend. The only reason he keeps taking you back after you cheat on him is because you feel guilty enough to let him fuck you up the ass. I say go ahead and get married. You two are so fucked up you obviously deserve each other. It should also serve to keep you two retards off the streets and out of relationships with normal people. My main suggestion is you should both get fixed. Since you've probably seen more pricks that a second hand dart board, and your man is either too stupid to live or equally as generous with his love it's probably best if neither of you reproduce. Really though your best option would be a murder suicide. The world needs less people like you.